I had to let go of a friend yesterday. It was what he wanted, and since I can’t talk to him directly about it, I will talk about it here. This is the person from the post Yesterday I was needy. If you read that post you will know this is a painful moment for me. It was my fault, I was being selfish with my feelings without being sensitive enough to his, and I broke our friendship.
I freely admit I live a life with little accountability to others. I (by necessity) have had to take care of myself first along the way. It’s like they say on airplanes…put on your mask before helping others. Well, sometimes I spend too much time fiddling with my mask and I end up hurting someone. For this I am deeply sorry.
I like to believe I’m a good person, a selfless, compassionate, empathetic person. But don’t we all like to think of ourselves in that way? The reality is that I am capable of being selfish, needy (in a bad way), and oblivious to the pain around me because I spend so much time wrapped up in mine.
I want to be better. I want to be that person I fantasize about being. I vow to be more mindful in the future, listening more closely for the pain in others instead of always being consumed in mine.
This starts now. My last post to him was a thank you. This one is an apology. I hope he sees it some day.