I remember that time I wrote a song.
I remember doing it while trying to capture those fleeting experiences.
I remember the blue of his eyes and the way his laughter made everything wrong fade away.
I remember getting drunk and dancing with him on my rooftop in the dead heat of summer.
I remember that trip to that sculpture garden in Queens and how I thought the wind chimes looked like giant flowers growing out the dirt.
I remember the taste of that chocolate fudge cake he surprised me with while we were there because he remembered my birthday when nobody else did.
I remember the “locals” tour of the city he took me on in my silver 4Runner.
I remember the fantastic crusty old abandoned buildings he showed me with each one having its own story.
I remember the day I left in that same 4Runner.
I remember thinking I was going to make it through goodbye without crying (I never cry).
I remember being wrong about that.
I see myself reflected back in your gaze
The better part of me
The me you make me believe I am
You have that kind of power
(and you know it)
To strip me away
Until I am completely unvarnished
Naked and unafraid
Not so that you can remake me
But that I can do it on my own
As you watch with a smile
And say “good girl”
Gut in a tangle
Sucks that it’s so accurate
If I could only paint the dread away
I’d be at peace
Instead I lie here in pending pain
Sleepless and empty
Slouching toward solitude
Eagle eye, piercing
Locked with deadly precision
On your voiceless child
An eternity wasted
With her pinned like a specimen
On a cold steel table
Picked at and prodded
With stern disappointment
This one was not enough
And a distorted body
Without the strength to bloom
But then she blossomed differently
With unexpected colors
And flew away
Your eagle eye is clouding now
Losing its place
The past is fading
And the specimen looks back
As your mind floats into darkness
Time seems shorter now
But can this butterfly learn to love you
Before you drift away?
I’ve never been the patient sort
Have rarely kept my ship in port
I’d rather be out sailing free
You’ll never take that wheel from me
Please don’t tie me to the dock
If stowed away, I’ll pick the lock
And push myself out to the brink
Damn the wind, refuse to sink
I wish I could let loose the sail
Risk the stumble, dare to fail
Alas I can’t control my fate
I guess sometimes you have to wait
Back off Death.
The better part of my ego wins today.
I still have hilarious stories to tell.
Painful and complicated and hilarious stories.
I still have unlikely colors to mix.
Brilliant and elusive and unlikely colors.
I still have fantastic people to meet.
Unreachable and stubborn and fantastic people.
I still have dangerous places to visit.
Vibrant and undiscovered and dangerous places.
I still have impossible shit to do.
Enormous and bewildering and impossible shit.
Pardon me for not having time for you today.
If I’m going, I’m going out to a standing ovation.
And the performance hasn’t ended yet.
So back the fuck off.